I have a love-hate relationship with birthday parties. The idea — and preparation — are fun and exciting. It’s when the party has to actually take place that I run into problems.

For my kids, it’s the best day of their lives so far. For me, it’s stressful, exhausting, and disappointing. Yet I dive in anew every year.

Simple and Sweet, If Only…

I admit my perfectionism and high expectations are partly to blame for my complex relationship with birthdays. I’ve never been able to go with an afternoon cake-and-balloons party. For one thing, the timing is difficult: too early and you encroach on little kids’ naptimes. Too late and you’ve ruined everyone’s appetites for dinner. So I always want to serve a meal, and I’m not talking about pizza delivery.

Parents and Kids: Double Trouble

Another problem with birthday parties is the age range of the guests: 2 to 52. Especially with younger kids, I usually invite the parents because I think it’s a nice thing to do, and I imagine myself chatting and laughing with my peers while the party goes on without a hitch.

I also feel that people who’ve graduated high school are more apt to appreciate all the effort and love that went into producing the party:  the hand-made decorations, the home-made food, the super-clean house.

But a party is doubly hard to pull off when you’re catering to two different audiences. (And believe me, even if you say “drop-off” and “pick-up” on the invitation, there will usually be a few parents who will hang out and watch.)

Besides coming up with a menu that will appeal to varying taste buds, there’s the entertainment. In another rosy party vision, parents are jumping in like reincarnated camp counselors.

But unless I’ve specifically asked someone to assist and I have gone over the plans with her ahead of time, I end up refusing offers of help:  it’s easier to just do it myself and plus, the point of inviting them was to treat them to a good time, and let’s face it, who really considers corralling and captivating a gaggle of little sprouts a good time?

So there I am again, sweaty and self-conscious about my success (or more likely failure) at entertaining a rowdy bunch of kids while parents sit around chatting (which is what I wanted them to do in the first place).

Note: Obviously outsourcing entertainment would help solve this problem, but with parties costing upwards of $200 just for the food, decor and favors, it’s always seemed like a luxury I couldn’t afford.

A New Kind of Party: Will I Love Thee More?

So when my second grader asked for a sleepover for her 8th birthday party, I was wary . . . yet curious. The potential for wild-and-craziness (and prolonged birthday party torture) was great. However, so were the rewards:

1. It’s wintertime and we live in the most expensive city in the country.  A sleepover with just a few girls could be a frugal mama’s heaven.
2. Since the highlight for the kids is spending the night together, I could get away with a lot less effort in terms of entertainment, decorations, goodie bags, etc.
3. No parents — guaranteed. (Nothing against my daughter’s friends!  But you know what I mean.)

So a sleepover party it would be. Here’s how my daughter and I planned it out:

• Guests: Sofia invited three girls from her class, but only two could come. Three could be a difficult number, but at least her six-year-old sister would round up the total to an even four.
• Invitations: The birthday girl designed and created her own.  (See photo above.)  Easy since there were only two invitees.
• Timing: 5:30 p.m. until 10 a.m. the next morning:  time for dinner at 6 as usual, and in the morning, breakfast and a bit of play.
• Dinner: Sofia decided we would have pasta with alfredo sauce and kale chips, followed by strawberries and jello (plus bon-bon cookies which we would decorate later).  You can find these recipes on my blog by following the links: I wasn’t kidding when I said these were favorite family recipes.
• Breakfast: Pancakes, croissants, fruit compote, orange juice. (She’s not a cake person, so I ended up sticking candles into her breakfast croissant.)
• Decorations: A bouquet of pink tulips:  for $7, it was a frugal yet festive way to up the special. We also hung a few “Happy Birthday” banners from years’ past and blew up some balloons (also left-overs).  To make the banner seen below, I followed instructions for Martha Stewart’s festive clip-art garland.  Here’s another Martha birthday banner to try.
• Activities: Decorating cookies and making Valentine’s cards. Here too, very little was spent. I happened to have in the pantry most of the ingredients for a quadruple batch of bon-bons. All the arts and crafts supplies, as well as Valentine’s stuff from year’s past, was also on hand.

(Thrifty Tip: Reusing decorations and left-over supplies reduces costs and waste. It’s okay to repeat the same party theme year after year.  This works especially well if you tie the theme to the nearest holiday or season –Halloween, winter snowflakes, spring flowers — because then it’s always relevant.)

Could It Really Be This Easy?

Sofia came up with the main plan for the evening:

• Arrival & free play
• Dinner
• Decorate cookies
• Get ready for bed
• Movie: Lion King
• Story
• Chat
• Morning: Valentine craft, opening presents

So now for the hard part: the real live party. Did it live up to our expectations? Did it go according to plan? Did I check into a mental health clinic the next day?

Find out in part 2.

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